the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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