My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
