You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
