I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
