this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
