today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
