I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
