im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
