I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
