you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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