Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
