I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
