I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
