I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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