At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
