i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
