Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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