I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
