During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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