My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
