Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
