Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
