Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
