Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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