Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
