I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i think my cat just said my name.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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