I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
