her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
