i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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