i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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