I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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