I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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