need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
