Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
