His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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