If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
