your room smells of hookers.
And success
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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