i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
