I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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