omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
