i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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