I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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