we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
