I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize