Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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