you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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