How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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