2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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