didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
