Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
