You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
