My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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