Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
