last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
