Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why are your pants in the freezer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
