we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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