Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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