Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
