my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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