if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize