is your mom at the bar?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
