im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
