Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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