so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
