i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
