I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
