Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
